Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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