I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
