THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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