Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
