Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
