All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
