This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
