Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
