Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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