i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
