She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
