girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
