So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
