Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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