We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
