The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
