Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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