If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
