Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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