oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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