you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Pants are for mortals
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
