If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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