All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
