this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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