sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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