please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
