i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
