wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
