got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
God I need to hump something, right now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
