I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
