how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude i'm inner monologue high
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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