wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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