I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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