You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
