His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
