Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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