So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
