please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
