well I can't set my house on fire every night
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
