your parents love me but you hate me
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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