I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
