Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
