I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
