Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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