i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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