A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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