The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
