If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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