my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
