i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
