hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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