i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
