dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
